I’ve not been ‘well’… 

 

Hi, 

I’ve been struggling the last few months with a bit of depression. It took me a long time to figure out what was going on but after careful analysis all the classic symptoms are there:

  • loss of interest in things that once gave me great joy (E.g. Meditating, music, blogging)
  • sleeping uncontrollably (to escape reality) 
  • Not caring much about general appearance (nothing to see here, move along) 
  • Over eating (to feel something other than pain) 
  • Rapid weight gain (eating all the wrong foods) 
  • Foul mood for days on end (wallow and self pity) 
  • Keeping to myself (not wanting to infect others) 
  • Feeling like a mindless drone – – numb (better not to feel if all I felt was pain) 
  • Sad (wondering what I did to deserve this) 
  • Constantly felling like crying (disbelief that this is my life) 

The last 7 years have been brutal! I’ve endured so many levels of pain and agony that had I not known there is a God, and there is a life beyond this unforgiving world, I may have taken the easy way out and ended it all. But I’m not a quitter! I’m not one to stay down for long. I’m not one to accept defeat easily for I know there is one mightier than I who will fight for me.

Friends, I’ve been away because there has been an enormous struggle within. I’ve been away because things have been hard. I’ve been away because I’ve been consumed with tough decisions. I’ve been away because my brain has had no time to relax. I’ve been away because I’ve been worried about my safety. I’ve been away because I’ve not been myself. 

Please know, I haven’t forgotten about you, I simply have not been emotionally and mentally well. I’m slowly finding my way back to the things that once gave me joy. I’m slowly shifting my focus from the chaos to the beautiful things in my life. I’m slowly learning the joy in living a life of gratitude. I’m slowly finding my way back to you. Just give me time…

 

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Image source: Google images
Contents compiled: February 18 2018
Originally published: February 19 2018
Copyright © 2017-2018 Anonymously Yours

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Author: A @ Anonymously Yours

Single mom and Writer

22 thoughts on “I’ve not been ‘well’… ”

      1. Your wrote such beautiful poetry how could I not search for your work. Don’t worry I understand…Upwards and Onwards a good friend of mine tells me when I am having difficult times A…:)

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Get more sunlight in your life. The days are lengthening now, and it will make such a difference for you. Also, dialogue in a journal with your inner Wisdom. This will stop your mind from being so busy in analysis of what to do. Your inner Wisdom will speak as a still, small Voice. I felt that I could say these things to you and be well received. Love, Celia

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your wonderful suggestions.
      Writing is great therapy for me it always has been. It’s the one thing that has been a constant. When I lost interest in doing so that’s when I knew something was very wrong.

      I moved my entire family many states away in search of a new beginning and better quality of life. I fear it has taken a toll. We’re still getting settled but I could use a long vacation. This has been a stressful journey. Looking forward to more sunny days.
      The fact that I’m writing again is a good sign! ☺

      How are you today?

      Liked by 1 person

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