I’ve not been ‘well’… 

 

Hi, 

I’ve been struggling the last few months with a bit of depression. It took me a long time to figure out what was going on but after careful analysis all the classic symptoms are there:

  • loss of interest in things that once gave me great joy (E.g. Meditating, music, blogging)
  • sleeping uncontrollably (to escape reality) 
  • Not caring much about general appearance (nothing to see here, move along) 
  • Over eating (to feel something other than pain) 
  • Rapid weight gain (eating all the wrong foods) 
  • Foul mood for days on end (wallow and self pity) 
  • Keeping to myself (not wanting to infect others) 
  • Feeling like a mindless drone – – numb (better not to feel if all I felt was pain) 
  • Sad (wondering what I did to deserve this) 
  • Constantly felling like crying (disbelief that this is my life) 

The last 7 years have been brutal! I’ve endured so many levels of pain and agony that had I not known there is a God, and there is a life beyond this unforgiving world, I may have taken the easy way out and ended it all. But I’m not a quitter! I’m not one to stay down for long. I’m not one to accept defeat easily for I know there is one mightier than I who will fight for me.

Friends, I’ve been away because there has been an enormous struggle within. I’ve been away because things have been hard. I’ve been away because I’ve been consumed with tough decisions. I’ve been away because my brain has had no time to relax. I’ve been away because I’ve been worried about my safety. I’ve been away because I’ve not been myself. 

Please know, I haven’t forgotten about you, I simply have not been emotionally and mentally well. I’m slowly finding my way back to the things that once gave me joy. I’m slowly shifting my focus from the chaos to the beautiful things in my life. I’m slowly learning the joy in living a life of gratitude. I’m slowly finding my way back to you. Just give me time…

 

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Image source: Google images
Contents compiled: February 18 2018
Originally published: February 19 2018
Copyright © 2017-2018 Anonymously Yours

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Waiting for change… 

 

“So I fell down the stairs
again today.
This time I made it
all the way down
to the bottom
and hit the concrete.
One day it’s gonna stop.
I know it will… ”

These were the words
she said to me,
with a sad smile.

I sighed and shook my head
in disbelief
but deep down
I wanted to yell at her
to WAKE UP!!!

How could she love a man
who abuses her?
She thinks one day
he’ll change.
What is she teaching her kids?

I see her almost daily.
She’s off in space
escaping her reality.

The sadness consumes her
but she carries on.
When will she wake up?

When will she stop waiting
for change that may never come?
When will she find
the strength to move on?

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Image source: Google images
Contents compiled: August 9 2017
Originally published: September 20 2017
Copyright © 2017 Anonymously Yours


Forcing myself to forget

image

 

Standing still.
Lost in space.
Mind drifting aimlessly.
Memories surface.
Emotions swell.
Eyes fill with tears.
Miss you for a moment.
Remember the pain.
Remind myself to keep moving.
Force myself to forget.

 


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Image source: Google images
Contents compiled: May 28 2017
Originally published: May 28 2017
Copyright © 2017 Anonymously Yours