I’ve not been ‘well’… 

 

Hi, 

I’ve been struggling the last few months with a bit of depression. It took me a long time to figure out what was going on but after careful analysis all the classic symptoms are there:

  • loss of interest in things that once gave me great joy (E.g. Meditating, music, blogging)
  • sleeping uncontrollably (to escape reality) 
  • Not caring much about general appearance (nothing to see here, move along) 
  • Over eating (to feel something other than pain) 
  • Rapid weight gain (eating all the wrong foods) 
  • Foul mood for days on end (wallow and self pity) 
  • Keeping to myself (not wanting to infect others) 
  • Feeling like a mindless drone – – numb (better not to feel if all I felt was pain) 
  • Sad (wondering what I did to deserve this) 
  • Constantly felling like crying (disbelief that this is my life) 

The last 7 years have been brutal! I’ve endured so many levels of pain and agony that had I not known there is a God, and there is a life beyond this unforgiving world, I may have taken the easy way out and ended it all. But I’m not a quitter! I’m not one to stay down for long. I’m not one to accept defeat easily for I know there is one mightier than I who will fight for me.

Friends, I’ve been away because there has been an enormous struggle within. I’ve been away because things have been hard. I’ve been away because I’ve been consumed with tough decisions. I’ve been away because my brain has had no time to relax. I’ve been away because I’ve been worried about my safety. I’ve been away because I’ve not been myself. 

Please know, I haven’t forgotten about you, I simply have not been emotionally and mentally well. I’m slowly finding my way back to the things that once gave me joy. I’m slowly shifting my focus from the chaos to the beautiful things in my life. I’m slowly learning the joy in living a life of gratitude. I’m slowly finding my way back to you. Just give me time…

 

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Image source: Google images
Contents compiled: February 18 2018
Originally published: February 19 2018
Copyright © 2017-2018 Anonymously Yours

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Forcing myself to forget

image

 

Standing still.
Lost in space.
Mind drifting aimlessly.
Memories surface.
Emotions swell.
Eyes fill with tears.
Miss you for a moment.
Remember the pain.
Remind myself to keep moving.
Force myself to forget.

 


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Image source: Google images
Contents compiled: May 28 2017
Originally published: May 28 2017
Copyright © 2017 Anonymously Yours


Press pause

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Press pause
to catch my breath.

Press pause
to clear my head.

Press pause
to see things as they are.

Press pause
to analyze my feelings.

Press pause
to keep my heart safe from harm.

Press pause
to let the tears cleanse my soul.

Press pause
to find some composure.

Press pause
to shift my focus.

Press pause
to find strength to move on.

 


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Image source: Google images
Contents compiled: May 23 2017
Originally published: May 23 2017
Copyright © 2017 Anonymously Yours


Cravings

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I’ve been eating
a lot of junk food lately,
perhaps as a way
of coping with a recent loss —
heartache can make
the body do weird things.

Now, however,
I feel my body
craving nutrients.
I want veges, 
I want fruits, 
I want exercise.

Does this signify
that I’m slowly getting past
my rough patch?
Am I on my way
to recovering
from my pain?
Maybe!

Whatever the reason,
here’s to moving forward,
here’s to better days,
here’s to a bit of peace,
here’s to happiness.

Have a wonderful day
and hugs to you all!

Anonymously Yours,
A.
🌷

 


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Image source: Google images
Contents compiled: May 8 2017
Originally published: May 8 2017
Copyright © 2017 Anonymously Yours


Waves of agony

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Waves of agony swirl through me:
Sometimes I can’t eat;
Other times I eat too much.

Waves of agony confine me:
Some days I find strength to press on;
On occasion all I want to do is cry.

Waves of agony will wash me:
Learning to swim and not sink;
Hoping to make it to shore.

 


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Image source: Digital Art by A
Contents compiled: May 24 2017
Originally published: May 25 2017
Copyright © 2017 Anonymously Yours